I'm Right Where I Belong

Wow...my last post was in March. I'm not very good at blogging regularly so this might be a long one because I have a lot to say. I might just end up writing a few small blogs over the next couple of days. Anyway, here goes...

In my last blog I ended it by saying that hopefully my "big girl job" was on the horizon...boy I couldn't have been more right! As most people know I started working at Columbia College as an administrative assistant in April. All I have to say is that I am so blessed to be working there. While the daily tasks are somewhat mundane and sometimes tedious, I could not ask for a better group of people to be working with and that's what makes the difference to me. Everyone is so kind, helpful, understanding, respectful and appreciative. I am reminded so often by my wonderful coworkers how thankful they are that I am working there and that feels really good. I am able to sit at my desk and do my thing...no one micromanages or hounds me all day...I feel like I am truly respected and appreciated as an independent and hardworking person.

I was reminded this week, though, that I'm not just there to help my coworkers; I'm there to help the students, also. There is a student who was changing campuses from Missouri to Denver and I was her first point of contact. A couple of weeks ago she called and I walked her through all of the steps of getting the right forms submitted and throughout the days that followed I kept in touch with her, making sure everything was processed in time so she could get registered for classes. To me, it was no big deal. I was just doing my job.

She called me on Monday with a question about her first class that evening and after her question was answered she broke down crying on the phone saying how thankful she was for me and everything I have done for her. She told me how where she came from people are not nice, especially to black people, and she has dealt with that discrimination for quite some time, so she was so thankful for my kindness. She told me that God has put me there for a reason and I should never change. She then said, "I don't even know you and I love you with the love of Christ." Talk about powerful. I was almost in tears myself. To me, I was just doing my job and being kind to another human being. It wasn't that big of a deal. But when I spoke to her I realized how much a small act of kindness can mean to another person.

Tonight, I had the greatest pleasure of meeting her! She is truly a bright spirit that I am so thankful to have met. I think in her mind, I was the helpful one who provided some words of encouragement, but really, she gave me a gift of encouragement that I was in dire need of. The past couple of weeks have been rough and I have felt a little lost, so then to have someone, who doesn't even know you, genuinely tell you that you are exactly where God wants you to be and to never change is such a beautiful thing.

To some, they may just be words, but to me...that was exactly what I needed to hear this week. That was the spark I needed to keep my head up and to keep doing what I'm doing, because what I really want to do in life is help people. I can do that even just being the lowest one on the totem pole as an admin. I just want to share encouragement, love and kindness with people in all aspects of my life. It honestly makes me feel really good knowing that I can help others and make them feel good, too. I think that's what life needs to be about-- building each other up so we can all be better human beings. God knows that I need those people in my life to keep me going, too. There was such a joyful energy between the two of us tonight and that's something I wish people could experience more often.

While I will always still have my moments or even entire days that I struggle, I am so confident right now that I am exactly where I need to be and there are only more good things to come.

It's Been Awhile

Wow, I absolutely cannot believe it has already been over 6 months since I have been back from Ireland. I miss it every single day! Not a day goes by that I don't think about the incredible experiences I had and the wonderful people I met from all over the world. I find myself still talking about the trip a lot and comparing little things here and there between the U.S. and Ireland. I know to some people it probably seems like I'm still stuck in that experience, but it really had a huge impact on me and those experiences are something I want to carry with me and share for the rest of my life. And, while I do feel nostalgic a lot and do not want to lose those memories and feelings, I do realize life back in the U.S. has had to resume, and it hasn't always been easy.

When I got back from Ireland I pretty much immediately went back to work serving tables at The Rock that week. It was not something I wanted to do, but when you only have about $20 to your name, you will take whatever you can get...I was hoping I would be able to find a full time job "big girl" job quickly, but that proved to be a lot more difficult than I had imagined. So, I ended getting a second part-time job to try to pay off some of that debt. It has been very hard at times. I have had 12-13 hour work days that have just completely beat down my body and mind, but I know hard work pays off and I think it has definitely humbled me.

 I'm not going to lie, the first couple months back home were hard. It was great being back with my family and friends, and I was so thankful for everything that I had, but life back in the states hadn't quite met my expectations and that led me to a pretty dark place. I was lost and didn't know my place. I think that I had hoped while I was in Ireland I would discover myself and be completely sure of who I am by the end of the 2 months and come home completely renewed, enlightened, and have everything figured out. Looking back on it now, that was pretty foolish of me. How can a 22 year old have her life figured out in two months?! And why would I want to? Isn't life about always learning and growing? Don't get me wrong, though, I feel like I did grow and learn a lot while abroad. I have such a greater curiosity now for other cultures and just for people in general. I want to explore and I feel like I gained a confidence that I didn't have before. I realized I need to stop thinking and worrying so much about the end point and just embrace and enjoy the journey that I'm on in life, and that's something I struggle with every day, but I'm going to keep working on it.

I learned a little bit in Ireland about a concept called mindfulness. "Mindfulness is a state of active, open attention on the present. When you're mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them good or bad. Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience."  In this crazy, fast-paced and technological world it's often very difficult to do this because we are so robotic in our every day motions and we get so caught up in our phones and everything. But you can even have moments of mindfulness for the 2 minutes that you're brushing your teeth every day. I have been trying to practice mindfulness little by little every day. I, of course, get caught up in the worry, the chaos, the technology...but I have noticed even taking 10 minutes a day to just sit outside or in a quiet place, breathe in and out, and be completely aware can make a huge difference. It's very spiritual and psychological...two things that are right up my alley!

So, for now I am trying to make the choice, daily, to fully embrace and enjoy this journey I'm on in life! I do not know what the future holds, and most days I am still completely lost, but I have high hopes that it will be great! My "big girl" job is hopefully on the horizon and eventually I'll find my special man to share the rest of this adventure with. Until then...I'll just keep truckin', as they say, and live a life full of love!