It's Been Awhile

Wow, I absolutely cannot believe it has already been over 6 months since I have been back from Ireland. I miss it every single day! Not a day goes by that I don't think about the incredible experiences I had and the wonderful people I met from all over the world. I find myself still talking about the trip a lot and comparing little things here and there between the U.S. and Ireland. I know to some people it probably seems like I'm still stuck in that experience, but it really had a huge impact on me and those experiences are something I want to carry with me and share for the rest of my life. And, while I do feel nostalgic a lot and do not want to lose those memories and feelings, I do realize life back in the U.S. has had to resume, and it hasn't always been easy.

When I got back from Ireland I pretty much immediately went back to work serving tables at The Rock that week. It was not something I wanted to do, but when you only have about $20 to your name, you will take whatever you can get...I was hoping I would be able to find a full time job "big girl" job quickly, but that proved to be a lot more difficult than I had imagined. So, I ended getting a second part-time job to try to pay off some of that debt. It has been very hard at times. I have had 12-13 hour work days that have just completely beat down my body and mind, but I know hard work pays off and I think it has definitely humbled me.

 I'm not going to lie, the first couple months back home were hard. It was great being back with my family and friends, and I was so thankful for everything that I had, but life back in the states hadn't quite met my expectations and that led me to a pretty dark place. I was lost and didn't know my place. I think that I had hoped while I was in Ireland I would discover myself and be completely sure of who I am by the end of the 2 months and come home completely renewed, enlightened, and have everything figured out. Looking back on it now, that was pretty foolish of me. How can a 22 year old have her life figured out in two months?! And why would I want to? Isn't life about always learning and growing? Don't get me wrong, though, I feel like I did grow and learn a lot while abroad. I have such a greater curiosity now for other cultures and just for people in general. I want to explore and I feel like I gained a confidence that I didn't have before. I realized I need to stop thinking and worrying so much about the end point and just embrace and enjoy the journey that I'm on in life, and that's something I struggle with every day, but I'm going to keep working on it.

I learned a little bit in Ireland about a concept called mindfulness. "Mindfulness is a state of active, open attention on the present. When you're mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them good or bad. Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience."  In this crazy, fast-paced and technological world it's often very difficult to do this because we are so robotic in our every day motions and we get so caught up in our phones and everything. But you can even have moments of mindfulness for the 2 minutes that you're brushing your teeth every day. I have been trying to practice mindfulness little by little every day. I, of course, get caught up in the worry, the chaos, the technology...but I have noticed even taking 10 minutes a day to just sit outside or in a quiet place, breathe in and out, and be completely aware can make a huge difference. It's very spiritual and psychological...two things that are right up my alley!

So, for now I am trying to make the choice, daily, to fully embrace and enjoy this journey I'm on in life! I do not know what the future holds, and most days I am still completely lost, but I have high hopes that it will be great! My "big girl" job is hopefully on the horizon and eventually I'll find my special man to share the rest of this adventure with. Until then...I'll just keep truckin', as they say, and live a life full of love!